Feb 29th, so what?
it is quite true what philosophy says: that life must be understood backwards. but then one forgets the other principle: that it must be lived forwards. -- Soren Kierkegard
4am in the dawn and i'm lying on my bed trying to recall what happened in the past one day, the oh-so-special Feb 29th that everyone's been talking about here and there.
it was early morning and i need to get out of bed for an appointment to the hospital, a place i hated most. that was meant for grandma's scheduled check up, blood testing and report etc and my job was to keep her companion. and things went bad.
i'm a healthy teen with my limbs well functioning (okay maybe not really) and yet i feel handicapped. there's no much help i can offer. i watched her shivers due to low blood sugar and coldness while taking blood sample and i can't do anything but to feel helpless. i recall the last time i visited the hospital with grandma for the same reason and how the doctor scolded me. i think he was right. i'm a bad bad bad grandchild.
holding grandma's hands while we were waiting for the report and her palms were cold. i observe the differences in our palms, and trying to remember the last time i hold'em. i was in despairs. i been avoiding the fact of how old grandma is getting. the symptoms of aging take in fast on her and i refuse to accept the reality that she's no longer healthy or she barely remember who i am.
came home from the hospital and i went straight to the bed to sleep it off. perhaps i was hoping to at least see the healthy version of grandma in dreams, i guess.
4am in the dawn and i'm lying on my bed trying to recall what happened in the past one day, the oh-so-special Feb 29th that everyone's been talking about here and there.
it was early morning and i need to get out of bed for an appointment to the hospital, a place i hated most. that was meant for grandma's scheduled check up, blood testing and report etc and my job was to keep her companion. and things went bad.
i'm a healthy teen with my limbs well functioning (okay maybe not really) and yet i feel handicapped. there's no much help i can offer. i watched her shivers due to low blood sugar and coldness while taking blood sample and i can't do anything but to feel helpless. i recall the last time i visited the hospital with grandma for the same reason and how the doctor scolded me. i think he was right. i'm a bad bad bad grandchild.
holding grandma's hands while we were waiting for the report and her palms were cold. i observe the differences in our palms, and trying to remember the last time i hold'em. i was in despairs. i been avoiding the fact of how old grandma is getting. the symptoms of aging take in fast on her and i refuse to accept the reality that she's no longer healthy or she barely remember who i am.
came home from the hospital and i went straight to the bed to sleep it off. perhaps i was hoping to at least see the healthy version of grandma in dreams, i guess.
tear drops running out while reading..a short and simple one but this is the fact who we are and what are we doing actually..we have been hiding at the corner watching the battle between our parents and the aunties, we have seen our beloved grandma sitting in front of the doorstep and yet nobody talk to her (or refuse to approach her) for we are all afraid of the problems she will bring to us if we behave too good (shouldnt a grandchild be good to the grandma actually?)..we are all selfish, the sons, the daughters, and the grandchidren.. what she needs is our love, just a little bit of love from any of us..so selfish..
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