♥ jiann's talk ♥

"i think i have ego problem." "no you don't. you just have a very bad temper, and you showed it only to the closest people around you." picked up a part time job at the very last minute, as in, picked it up on friday and the first day of job falls on the upcoming tuesday. everything was in a rush, but i still choose to pick it up cuz i felt like it. to try something new, something fresh. it marked a really good start. our supervisor, jeshua is a real cool guy, and he is very protective over us. so do the crew back in office too! fun people to hang around with. i'm so gotta miss them, but it's alright. gotta see them again in two weeks time. next function hahah! sometimes all you need is just a quick detour from the routines. try something new, something you never experience before. let the new people, new faces, new stories enrich your life. it is challenging, but hell it worth a dam lot. the best part about running roadshows, it keeps me busy and occupi

habits die hard, old habits especially. went for dinner and placed my order as usual the other day, and when the food was served, i automatically halved my rice and wanted to pass it to the plate of the person sitting next to me, just to realize we're not eating together anymore. walked to pyramid through canopy and i went right up to the next floor and walked into starbucks even though i wasn't carrying my books with me anymore, and i walked out without buying anything. went shopping with friend yesterday, and when we stepped into the bag shop, my sight went straight to the big back pack hanging at the side. black, of course. went chatime for chilling session with the wolves and i screened through the whole list of the menu, all the new additions or promotional items, and i ordered the same cup of roasted milk tea without fail. went back to college time after time to sit down and chat cuz we kiamsiap and refuse to spend anymore in any of the shop in the mall. and i picked the

finally wrap up something that i been trying since months ago. such a relief. not gonna argue over it anymore. no more fights, no more cold wars, no more guessing, no nothing. been almost a month since the fall. it doesn't hurt that much anymore compared to the first time it hit, but the pain still attack once in awhile, especially when i look at all the people graduating, talking bout works, their future plans and what not. that feeling sucks, when you supposed to be one of them. you lay in your bed, awake in the middle of the night, and you feel lost with no sense of belonging. so i turn my back and walk away. "sometimes, you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand back up taller than you ever were." well said. so this gotta be a journey to rediscover myself, regain some confidence, some self ego, and i need to do it alone. back to basic, me, my books, and my life, and i gotta climb up again. to those i love, those who loved me, those who were al

if you're wondering, my first middle name is MEAN, but that's not the point now. i'm egoistic, and i don't say sorry most of the time, especially to another arrogant creature like you. those words become hard to speak when you're at the receiving end of the apology. i wanna congrats you for your success, i really do, but i don't know how to start. it was a bad day itself, and when i found out about what you wanted to tell me before you had the chance to, that depression was beyond description. ohhh so that explained all the cold treatments you got when you contacted me in the night didn't it. yupp, i pissed you off on purpose. you shouldn't be the one to blame, yet i showered you with my anger as i always did, taking you for granted that you never got mad no matter how hard i tried. guess you finally had enough of me. i lost my best friend on the night where i should be celebrating his success for him. boo-yah. i hit the wall in the end, much deserved i&

malacca with the girls, 2009 penang with the sac, 2011 i miss sunshine and beaches. the way we run, the way we had fun. heyy baby, another getaway? :))

it is quite true what philosophy says: that life must be understood backwards. but then one forgets the other principle: that it must be lived forwards. -- Soren Kierkegard 4am in the dawn and i'm lying on my bed trying to recall what happened in the past one day, the oh-so-special Feb 29th that everyone's been talking about here and there. it was early morning and i need to get out of bed for an appointment to the hospital, a place i hated most. that was meant for grandma's scheduled check up, blood testing and report etc and my job was to keep her companion. and things went bad. i'm a healthy teen with my limbs well functioning (okay maybe not really) and yet i feel handicapped. there's no much help i can offer. i watched her shivers due to low blood sugar and coldness while taking blood sample and i can't do anything but to feel helpless. i recall the last time i visited the hospital with grandma for the same reason and how the doctor scolded me. i think he w