♥ jiann's talk ♥

in lay man terms it says "a case in which the constant desire to have everything in order is a disorder." i was diagnose with it, not clinically tho. friends used to make fun of how i kinda insist of using just one brand, how i tied up all the candies wrapper into knots, how i drink only certain coffee, bla bla and bla. so yeah, sometimes, i do feel like i have it, the OCD symptoms. but then again, i actually think that everyone of us is somehow born with it. stop raising your eyebrow on me. i meant, don't you have something that you really really REALLY just wait IT and nothing else can replace? like really, just that one and only one thing. i just happen to have the list a lil longer. luls as we grow up, we start to compromise a lot of things because something else is more important, or at least that's how we justify it. a book, a movie, a date out, a trip, a meal, an hour of sleep, or sometimes, somebody. and that's what makes the remaining ones, the on...

"one day i will find the right words, and they will be simple -- jack kerouac" been a month since i first joined this field. one freaking month. blessed enough to have helpful seniors and supporting friends around, of course, always loving family too. to be honest, work was tough, but it was good too. challenging, i'll put it that way. the harder it goes, the stronger i would be. and the satisfaction when you mark the last tick on your to-do list? beyond words description. getting ready for the up-coming peak, and beautiful busy year end. loves.

"it is better to never have it at all than to hold it in your hand and the next second you know they took the whole damn thing away." for the past few years of my life, i taught myself to be easy, to not fight with people, to not ask too much about anything. i let things happen as though they should always been like that, whether to stay, to leave, to do whatever. and so, i never really fight for the one person to stay in my life; i never really fight for that one title; i never really fight for that one dress or the pair of shoes or the seat in a class. i say okay to most of everything. and the rest of it, i normally say nevermind. let things happen. let the flow decides how it goes. but sometimes i get tired of being understanding, of being nice, of being easy. and for once, for now, i want to fight for the one thing that i like. i really want to. if only i may. this time around, i want to stay, to fight for it, than to let the flow drives me away.

i had a dream last night i dreamt that i was swimming and the stars up above directionless and drifting somewhere in the dark were the sirens and the thunder and around me as i swam the drifters who'd gone under people are afraid of change. i am. as the uncertainty in it makes everything else looks vague. but change is undeniable. we live in it, whether we want to or not. being an accountant taught me even fixed cost changed in long run. so tell me, what stays? time, love time, love time, love it's only a change of time changes could be gradually, so can it be a sudden change. and the one i'm facing tomorrow, i called it an anticipated sudden change. such contradiction, i know. but i been waiting for it for months, but the sudden change of life style is not one that any practice or so can have me prepared. from a student to a working adult, everything changed. oh wait, i know a term for it, a revolution. luls a friend told me some days earlier to expec...

updates:- few days left till admission, one week to operation. three weeks to singapore, one month to the commencement of employment. barely a clash as if every thing is well planned. no surprises. no excitement. random getaway with the wolves at malacca. we need no awesome background for a picture. we create our very own version of it. loves. 我们总以为幸福离我们好远好远 远到遥不可及的地步 却从来都没发现 幸福原来一直在身边  只怪我们都太骄傲了 忘了要放开自尊 放下身段去拥抱她

i like it when you smile, i like it more when you're smiling to me, i like it most when i'm the reason for your smile ♥ someone once told me "do not ever see yourself as not good enough. do not let anyone doubt you, not even yourself." sometimes i wish i can look at myself from his eyes, cuz he can always see the plus part of everyone. how beautiful a world could be if we can ever learn this. and with his words i hence live by, to survive and conquer this complicated world. i know how hard it feels to be knocked down, but nothing is over until we give up. stand back up, grab yourself back together and walk the road. the journey doesn't end anywhere near. a hump on the road shouldn't cost you the beauty of the scenery all way long. i choose to stay, to continue the fight, to not give up, and now here i am, reaching the finishing line, moving onwards to the next route. i'm not stopping to wait for anyone, cuz i know you'll be here nevertheless. you...

to-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. william shakespeare i never happen to understand how macbeth feels when i was reading this for secondary's literature. why did he see life that way, what happened to lady macbeth that caused her the soundness of mind, what was actually going on in his mind as he uttered such words...... even by now, after completing the all five acts of the play, the quests were not answered, yet more are formed. why the three wicked witches targeted macbeth at the first place? why did macbeth, once a respectful noble man of duncan, took the prophecies so highly? why hadn't ba...